- The Guardian, Monday 4 May 2009
09.57 Mon, 4 May
To: Arlen Specter [email@example.com]
Subject: welcome aboard
Just wanted to drop you a line to welcome you personally to the Democratic party, and to say how much I appreciate this courageous act of naked self-preservation. Not everyone would have the nerve to abandon an affiliation of some 30 years standing in order to avoid a tough primary race. I've long admired your independent spirit, but you won't be needing it any more. Good Democrats toe the line. I'll drop by the debriefing if I get a chance - in the meantime I'm getting some bumper stickers and stuff sent over to your office. Update your website, and cover your mouth when you cough. Barack.
To: Anita Dunn, acting White House communications director [firstname.lastname@example.org]
Subject: welcome aboard
Thanks Anita. It's great of you to help out while we look for someone permanent. And relax, the job isn't as hard as it looks. Just don't let Biden send any emails unless someone reads them first, and make sure Rahm doesn't punch anyone important. Our nation is facing unprecedented economic challenges and a possible pandemic, but I think you'll find that most of the questions will be about the dog. Have you got enough tissues in your office, btw? Let me know if you need more. BHO
To: VPOTUS [email@example.com]
Subject: Re: taking the subway
Joe, let me be clear about this: I'm not upset because you said that you would advise your family to stay off public transportation - that's a personal issue. I'm more worried about what you were doing on Today in the first place. I'm eating my cornflakes, watching TV, and suddenly there you are, talking to Matt Lauer about swine flu. How many times have we discussed this? From now on if you get an invitation to appear on TV, you will ask Anita if it's OK, and Anita will say no. Got it? Barack
I recently got back from a trip to Mexico. Although the risk of infection was probably minimal (I didn't fly commercial, put it that way), all these news stories have made me somewhat nervous, especially after what the VP said on Today the other morning. Also, since I got back from Mexico I've been feeling sort of, not ill exactly, but kind of washed out. My doctors say I'm fine - they're unanimous on that, in fact - and that it's probably just stress (my job is v stressful). Should I be worried? Mr O.
To: All Senior White House Staff
Subject: Day 103, and counting
It's quarter past the hour, people. Time to wash our hands.